#1: Of Doubts, Friendships, and Realizations
When I turned 40 this year, I felt alone. I had moved to Dubai only two days prior and stayed in a hostel with about 20 people who were unknown to me. Besides, even at home in Germany, I never really celebrated my birthday, as I don't think it is worth celebrating something one couldn't influence. Nevertheless, there were parties, since I always appreciated opportunities for parties and meeting friends. And there was hypocrisy. Even though birthdays have actually never been a big deal for me, it mattered that some people remembered and commented, simply because it makes you feel like someone cares and thinks about you.
My roommates in Dubai, of course, couldn't even know since I didn't tell anyone. Instead, I started to doubt if I had made the right choice. At the age of 39 with no former experience as a businessman, I quit my stable job, my unlimited and affordable rent contract, all of my insurance, and decided to move to Dubai after having visited it only once before, starting my own business as a social worker. Behind, I left my family, my friends, my networks, and everything that I had built. But doubt is normal. It makes us consider decisions more carefully. It helps us learn if things don't go as planned. It might protect us from harm. It saves us from being reckless. And yet, at the same time, it might be the biggest obstacle when it comes to life-changing - and life-improving - decisions.
Do you ever really know who you are and what you want?
Now, four weeks after moving to Dubai, I am still not professionally established. And yet, I feel like this could have been one of the best decisions of my life. Before, I lived a stable and sedentary life, almost never traveling. It felt ok. It felt sustainable. It felt secure. But the desire for change rose inside of me. I am not risk-averse but appreciate challenges. I don't struggle to change, but adapt quickly. I don't settle with predictability, but thrive on meeting new people and engaging with the unknown.
With that being said, it took major life-changing events for me to make such a drastic move. After 16 years, I separated from my wife, shattering her world. About half a year later, someone else broke my heart - unintentionally, but the hurt might have been the same. I struggle with recognizing red flags. I should know better, but my heart is color blind. In addition, I had a feud with my university over my graduation. I had to sue my landlord and go to court for another reason. At work, I clashed with superiors and colleagues over how to do my job. Apart from that, I felt stuck in ever-repeating routines. So I left - my life condensed to three suitcases.
Of pain that helps you heal
Again, part of the truth is that I made that decision because of a woman who I hoped to be with, but when I decided to move to Dubai, she decided to leave. There was no room for me in her life. I had to come to accept that. It was hard, but finally, I found the strength (and distraction) to move on.
Still, I am grateful for her influence. After all, she was the spark that was missing regarding my decision. Now, I am happy that things went the way they did and that I am still here. I am not just happy, I feel like how much more life has to offer than the routines I was used to.
After two days, I didn't think about Germany anymore. It didn't surprise me, since I know about myself that I adapt very quickly. I was now a citizen of Dubai in the United Arab Emirates. I also adjusted to my living conditions quickly. Sure, there are difficult situations when sharing your living space with over 20 people, especially the lack of privacy and the unbelievably loud snoring noises some throats are able to produce. The level of hygiene is satisfactory at best, the bathroom always busy, and it is hard to focus due to distractions 24/7. In a way, these disadvantages are counterbalanced by bringing you into contact with fascinating and wonderful people from all over the world. That is what matters. Not what you have or where you go, but who you are with.
So I am humbled and grateful for meeting so many people who add something to my life despite the frustrating fact that most of them don't stick around for long. It is being said that it is difficult to socialize in Dubai. I disagree. If you look for it, it is easy to meet many people. The challenge is to meet decent ones as for many here morality is but a closed chamber in the attics of their consciousness. It feels easy to join them and become just as crazy, but I have always taken pride in not being mainstream.
Embrace me, world, and show me your best
So I keep looking for the good ones and happily add them as a chapter in my book of life. I am grateful for having met a beautiful DJ from Colombia who has nothing to say but something positive, whose smile is contagious and gives you the right vibes; a model from Turkmenistan, who is struggling to figure out how to continue, who makes you feel comfortable with an almost childlike innocence; a self-proclaimed diva from the USA, who can be as annoying as entertaining; a hotel receptionist from Germany, who seemed so gentle that I suddenly wished for a sister I never had; a holiday entertainer from the Netherlands who just matched my energy; a businessman from Jordan who always makes me laugh by just speaking since his intonation sounds as if he is constantly mocking everybody and everything; a hostel hostess from Uganda, who for some is considered more as a friend than a business acquaintance; a businessman from Pakistan, who is mostly a nice guy, but who sometimes struggles with toxic masculinity; wonderful people whose jobs I haven't fully understood yet from Algeria, Portugal, Russia, and the USA. And of course, all those wonderful people back home from Germany, Ukraine, Chile, Iran, Canada, Belgium, India, USA, Armenia, Italy, Venezuela, Portugal, Poland, Brazil, Guatemala, Finland...
It truly is a blessing to live at a time where the whole world can be your home. We'll always meet people who aren't good for us. Leave them behind. There are about eight billion other people to choose from. Never forget how much power you have over your own life based on your choices. Don't be a passenger. Be the pilot. Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are. Don't waste your life with the wrong people. Who you have around you is the most important factor for your own happiness. "Get rich or die trying," so the saying goes. Why not just surround yourself with good people and enjoy life?
On the definition of failure
So what if I won't make it in Dubai and have to return to Germany in a few months? It wouldn't be a failure, but the end of one of the most colorful and lively chapters in my life. If we run, we might fall, but at least we'll know the invigorating feeling of wind kissing our faces. I am not here to fail. I am not here to think about the future either. I am here to live.
And so far I do. I could thank the circumstances that brought me here, but at the end of the day, I am happy because of my choices. It is the purest form of empowerment and - in contrast to birthdays - something I can actually be proud of.
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