Dating is hard as it is, but if you are too focused on superficial characteristics, don't be surprised if you'll never meet Mr. Right
Imagine you are a cricket or a frog. You would like to meet a mate, so you start calling for her since this is the only flirting technique known to you. You are aware, however, that calling comes at a cost since it might also attract predators. But you are determined, you are willing and able to risk and invest it all to meet your girl. Nevertheless, nobody shows up despite your efforts. You have a hunch why - and then you see them, those other males, who don't call, avoid being found, and who invest much less than you would.
They know where they have to position themselves in order to meet the females who thought that they were responding to your calling. In a way, they are imposters. They know how to behave and what to say in order to pretend that they care about them, and most females feel flattered and infatuated enough to stay instead of looking further. These so called satellite males willingly use the chance to mate - and move on immediately after, looking for the next female shallow enough to go for their acting.
How satellites attract Gold diggers
The concept of satellite males actually exists in some frog and cricket species and it is explained as different mating strategies as a result of evolution. If all males called, more of them would be vulnerable to predators. If none called, they'd all risk not to find a mate. So, a balance between both strategies proves beneficial for the survival of the species. Now, human judgment obviously is much more complex, and yet sometimes I wonder if many women settle for the satellites, being upset afterwards that they don't behave like the original they'd hoped for who'd actually put in the effort.
Here in Dubai, it seems especially obvious. Of course, I am only describing what I experience. I don't intend to generalize, and no observation is ever a generalization, since it is necessarily based on our restricted, subjective view of the world. But most women I see and meet here judge a man mostly based on what he has, not on what he is. In derogatory terms, you could call them gold diggers, but phrasing demeaning terms just clouds the issue.
If she cared about me, she would pay for dinner, right?
Even most of the women I have met so far - in the hostel or elsewhere - still have this traditional mindset that they couldn't take a man seriously if he didn't pay for them at dinner or when going out. It is, they argue, a sign that he cares and that he is willing to make an effort. They might even call it a bare minimum. They want to feel like you could take care of them. For me, on the other hand, it is a superficial way to buy attention instead of earning it. Women, they continue their argument, want to feel special, as if you have to prove that you deserve them. After all, they know their worth, they claim.
Ok, based on that logic, the men who are supposed to approach you don't know their worth, have low self-esteem, and bend-over backwards just to please you instead of being genuine? After all, if I am a confident man, wouldn't it be logical that you would have to prove to me that you deserve me? If not, what is the difference? What justifies that initially I am supposed to invest more when dating than you would? "You lose masculinity and don't make me feel feminine", I once heard. Great, my masculinity is tied to my wallet.
The pride of relying only on yourself
Fortunately, times are changing and at least in Germany a lot of women take pride in being independent. They don't like the idea of being paid for, as they are well aware that it usually comes with the expectation of some sort of payback. I find it alienating to think that after an evening of having a great time together and getting along very well the woman would get upset over me not paying for her. Would that really be the priority? Wouldn't that be just incredibly shallow? I would feel insulted, unappreciated, degraded.
They same is true when it comes to making the first step. It is commonly expected that men make the first move and approach women, not the other way round. That way, women can avoid the risk of rejection, while maintaining the power of rejecting others. I don't follow those unwritten rules, so I don't meet a lot of women. I don't mind much. After all, I know my worth. I'd appreciate if a woman approached me and made the first step. It would show me that she was willing to put in some effort - and she wouldn't even have to pay for it.
If you wait for people to talk to you, you will end up with someone who wants you, but you might never end up with someone who you want
The simple truth is that if you as a women wait for men to talk to you, you might meet someone who wants you, but you might never meet the person who you want. Do you see the difference?
And so human satellite males remain successful. They know that they don't have to go the whole mile. They only have to approach women, give some superficial compliments, and pay for them. Why woman afterwards often complain that such men don't turn out to be good and carrying is beyond me. What do you expect if you settle for the satellites? They don't risk a genuine investment, they just reap the rewards by pretending they are the ones who called.
So is this dating advice? Obviously not. Why would you ask a divorcee? But at least it could give a certain perspective. If a man is not willing to pay for you or approach you, it might not mean that he doesn't care. It might mean the opposite. But still, not being shallow himself, he would like to know if you are.
Don't wait for good things to happen to you. Try to get them yourself - or you might miss out on many great opportunities, including meeting Mr. Right.
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