“Father? Are you going to tell me the rest of the story?”
Attanas seemed frozen, holding a chicken leg in his right hand while pressing his left hand on the table, forming a fist.
“Father? What happened? Why did you stop? Father!”
As gentle as she appeared at first sight, Katica was as stubborn as she was tenacious. If she wanted something, she would get it – or let slip the dogs of war.
“FATHER!”, she cried finally. Attanas shrugged, catapulting the chicken leg across the table.
“What…”, he muttered. “What do you want?”, he said a moment later, slowly coming to his senses. Katica pierced him with her eyes. “You know what I want! Finish the damn story!” “How dare you speak to me like that?” he hissed.
For a moment, the princess felt insecure, but quickly returned to her typical demeanor. “I am the princess of these lands! I claim what is mine. And if you don’t please me then…” “THEN WHAT?”, the king shouted from the top of his lungs, jumping off his chair, knocking it over. He seemed ready to lunge, ready to attack. Katica held her breath. Would he… But he had never even touched her! With clenched fists, he stepped towards her, his eyes filled with rage – or was it fear? Suddenly a screech crept into Katica's ears. She felt dizzy, her vision blurred. As if looking through a veil, she noticed the silhouette of the mighty king. He stopped in his path and seemed to shrink, all tension leaving his body. He stumbled backward and tried to sit down, but missed the chair which he had knocked over only seconds ago. On a good day, the princess would have laughed at the sight of her father falling, and chance had it that he would have joined her. But this wasn’t a good day. Something was off. Something had shifted.
“Father, are you alright?”, she said as gently as she could. The king sat on the floor, scanning his environment in disbelieve. “Father…”, she whispered. “What happened?” She got up and moved towards him to help him up. “Amaya, stop!”, he wheezed. Katica froze. Amaya? Yes, she knew that his was her second name, but in the 14 years of her life this had only been the second time her father had said it out loud. When the king had received the message of the surprising death of his wife several years ago he had shouted this name in pain and disbelieve for the first time.
“Father, why…”, she stuttered.
Attanas slowly turned his head, locking eyes with his daughter. They were bloodshot and filled with tears. “Katica, I am so sorry…”, he sobbed. “Sorry? For what?”, she responded, confused. “Please, give me a moment to collect myself – and don’t come any closer!” She obeyed and returned to her seat.
Eventually, the king got up, crept to his throne, and slumped down as if all strength had left him. He rubbed his forehead with his left hand. Katica waited across the room patiently, even though she was dying to know what was going on.
“Come closer, child, and sit next to me,” he finally whispered. The princess tried to contain herself and moved slowly. She sat down on the chair closest to the throne, her hands on her knees, her eyes on her father. He didn’t look at her but started talking.
“Tell me again, Katica, what do you dream about?” “My dreams? But father…” “No, child!” He lifted his hand as if to punctuate his demand. “Please, tell me about your dreams!”
The princess hesitated but started reluctantly. “You know that… my dreams are… dark. Very dark. They are full of death and suffering, blood and slaughter, murdering and misery. I can’t remember that I have ever had a happy dream. Why father, why? We consulted all the healers of our lands and beyond. Nobody could help me. Why?”
“Because this is no issue any mortal could fix…” Katica's eyes were wide open, she could feel her heart beating mercilessly in her chest. What did he say? He had never mentioned that before. What did it mean?
“Father…”, she cried, fighting desperately to hold back her tears. “What… what are you saying?”
The hand on Attanas' forehead suddenly stopped moving and dropped to his lap. Had he made a mistake in a moment of weakness? He slowly pulled himself up in his throne and turned to his daughter. “Katica, child, I am so sorry, but I have been lying to you all your life. There are things you don’t know, important things, and…” He stopped, bent over, his elbows on his knees. His crown sat loosely on his head, almost falling off. Katica was in shock. What had he been lying about? What was wrong? What wasn’t she supposed to know? Her mood swung back and forth between anger and crippling anxiety. She wanted to speak, yell, jump up, demand explanations – alas, she felt paralyzed, glued to her chair.
Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours, and hours into eons – at least that was what it felt like to her.
“My dear princess,” the king finally penetrated the silence. “I tried to protect and shelter you as best as I could, but today I had to come to realize that this is where my path ends. You will…” He swallowed heavily, but couldn’t get rid of the lump in his throat. “You will have to move out and find answers yourself…” Move out? Had her father lost his mind? Where was she supposed to go? And why? She didn’t get to ask those questions, still in shock and speechless.
“Your dreams… Have you ever noticed that news reache us of terrible slaughters every day after you have one of those dreams?” Katica felt like she was falling. She clung to the armrest, her fingers hurting. He was right, but she had never made the connection.
“But…”, she tried to speak but failed. “Don’t bother, child. I can imagine how overwhelming all of this must feel. I had 14 years to prepare myself for this day, and even I…” Tears ran down his face.
Another moment of silence passed. “But…” Katica finally felt like she had power over her own body again. “But the people say that those slaughters were all connected to the dragon.” The king laughed out loud, but was surprised and ashamed by his own reaction only a second later. “The dragon…”, he said mysteriously. “Have you ever seen a dragon?” “No, but… what else would be responsible for those killings?”, she asked in disbelief. “Ah, the dragon… You know, humans are an interesting lot. If we don’t have an explanation, we’ll make one up.” “Does that mean that there is no dragon?” “I don’t know. Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t. Maybe it is a metaphor, maybe it is a scapegoat for something else going on. Maybe…” “Stop!”, the princess yelled, finally regaining her strength. “What the hell is going on? What are you not telling me? And what does all of this have to do with my dreams?”
They locked eyes. No words were spoken. And yet, Katica seemed to start to understand. “Am I connected to the dragon? Can I see what it does in my dreams?” Attanas hesitated. He knew that his next sentence would mean goodbye. “That, my child…” He breathed in deeply. “That is something only you can find out. I love you, Katica, but I cannot be there for you any longer. Please, go downstairs and have the servants prepare you for your journey. Good luck!”
The king got up from his throne, almost falling, his knees weak. He walked to his chambers slowly, not turning around. The princess sat still, following him in his track with her eyes. What had just happened? Was that it? She had to leave the castle? She had never done so before! Father, stop, turn around, and talk to me! But he didn’t. He pulled the door shut behind himself. The last thing she heard was the creaking noise of the lock.
For three days, Katica had pleaded and lamented in front of his door, crying until her eyes started to bleed. But the king didn’t change his mind. He had no mercy. But why? What had happened so suddenly? Instead, he grew weary of the constant noise at his door, feeling trapped and hungry. Eventually, in a moment of rage, he screamed through the door at his servants as loud as he could. “Remove the princess from my castle or spend the rest of your life in the dungeon!” Terrified, they obeyed. Katica was broken, oblivious. She felt the world turn around her.
When she came to, she realized that she was in an unknown forest. Of course, everything outside the castle was unknown to her. But what was she supposed to do now? She noticed a bundle next to her, royal fabric. She left it behind. If her father wanted her to die out here for whatever reason, she would do just that. She did not stay where she was, however, but felt as if something pulled her forward. A force she could not have put into words if anyone had asked. But nobody did. She was alone.
She kept walking, not knowing where to go, but feeling as if that was the right thing to do. After what felt like an eternity – the sense of time had left her long ago – she noticed a village at the edge of the forest. Finally! Humans! They could help her, or at least maybe tell her where to go to seek shelter.
A dog came running towards her, barking as if it were on duty to protect the village. For a moment, Katica felt scared, until a sense of anger crept up in her. At the same time, the dog came to a halt, suddenly changing its attitude, putting its tail between its legs, starting to whine, and rushing back. The princess didn’t wonder. She took it for granted.
As she passed the first hut, a woman with an infant suckling on her breast stepped out. She looked in Katica's direction – and her eyes portrayed horror. So much so that she almost dropped her child. She started screaming frantically and ran away, tripped and fell, got up and ran further. Her shouts had alarmed other villagers who stopped what they were doing and rushed to the path. They all looked through the princess, as if she wasn’t even there. They all panicked. They all ran.
It dawned on Katica that something was wrong. Was something terrifying behind her without her knowing? She tensed. A shiver ran down her spine and up again, freezing her brain. Her hands were clenched. She wanted to turn around but couldn’t. Her limbs were as stiff as the marble statues she grew up with.
“Amaya…”, she suddenly heard a whisper. “Amaya…” It grew louder and seemed to come closer. She felt something rise inside of her, something she couldn’t control. Still paralyzed with fear, unable to move, she started to realize: the dragon… She felt dizzy, her limbs weak. She felt that she was falling. Darkness grew around her. The noises died down, fainter and fainter, until a screech pulled her back into consciousness: “AMAYA!”
Was she awake? Or was she dreaming? She saw the silhouette of the dragon flying over the village, snatching humans – old or young, men or women alike – tearing them apart. Killing. Bloodthirsty. In rage. Katica felt as if she just stood there and watched, unable to control her own body. Blood splashed in her face. Limbs littered the path. And she watched. Without emotions.
Through the mist of her blurry perception, she noticed a knight on a horse riding towards her. He wielded his sword as he approached the dragon, but when they were only meters apart from each other, both of them stopped. They looked at each other as if contemplating how to continue. Finally, the knight lowered his sword – and sobbed. “I can’t do it…”, the princess heard. “You are still my daughter!” Daughter? How could the dragon be…
FATHER! The knight was her father, the king! “FATHER!”, she cried, “Save yourself!” But he didn’t listen, didn’t even turn his head. The dragon waited, wavered. And finally – slowly – retreated and flew away. Relieved, Katica dropped to her knees, realizing that she was about to lose consciousness again.
She woke up in the arms of the king. “Father…”, she whispered, exhausted. “Are you okay? What happened?” The king didn’t respond. He looked towards the village, towards the dead. Nobody was spared. Tears dripped off his chin. “Father, what happened?”, she repeated.
“Shhhh, child…”, he started finally and put the index finger of his heavy glove on her lips.
“Hush, child. You are sleeping.” Sleeping? “Father, what do you mean? I don’t…” From the corner of her eye, she noticed that the king held his sword in his left hand, pointing the tip towards her heart. “Father, what are you doing?”, she cried. “This won't hurt. You are dreaming.” “No, I am awake. Father, stop!” Confused, the king hesitated.
“Do you know what Amaya means in the language of my forefathers?”, he asked suddenly. Katica was speechless. “No? Well, it is time to tell you. But first, let me make it clear…” He let go of her so that she dropped to the ground, his sword still aimed at her. “…that you are actually sleeping. Your reality is not what you think, has never been what you thought.”
Katica was terrified. “Right now, you are dreaming. Being a princess, having a loving father, living under the protection of the castle. Life is great, right?” What was he getting at? “But this is not real. This is all in your dream.” “I don’t… So what is real?”, she wheezed. “Reality is what you call your dreams. The blood, the suffering, the darkness. That is real. And you…” The king tensed up, ready to thrust his sword into his daughter, ending her life.
“You didn’t see through the eyes of the dragon. There is no dragon. But there is a bloodthirsty creature that kills everything in its path. A creature that has strength unbeknownst to man. The reason the people call this creature dragon is…”
His grip loosened. He hesitated for a moment. “I should have done this a long time ago, but I couldn’t. After all, you are my daughter – or at least so I think. Katica, child, Amaya means dragon. It is you who has terrorized these lands for the last 14 years – and that is why you must die!”
Katica didn’t feel pain, didn’t feel fear. Only anger.
And rage.
As she opened her eyes, she was still not dead, untouched by the blade. She felt different. She felt strong, alive, and restless. She plotted revenge, felt the rage inside her grow and fuel her, as if her chest wanted to burst. She wanted to kill. Yes, this felt real.
She was relieved.
Finally, the veil had been lifted. Finally, she was free.
As she raised her eyes, she saw the king, the mighty Attanas, her father, on his knees, trembling.
Begging for his life.
She didn’t have to think about it.
Her next move came to her naturally.
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